Caffection Marriage Equality

Paula & Melissa United By Love

2011-02-19T17:18:00.000-08:00

Marriage Counter Action

2011-02-04T16:52:00.000-08:00


Love is in the Air

Monday February 14th--Valentine's Day--join us downtown Columbus (OH) for a marriage counter action. Loving couples will request marriage licenses from the state of Ohio. Civil marriage equality is coming. Be here for it. Be part of this change. Weall have a part to play in this wonderful affirmation of equal rights (and rites).

Meantime, log into Marriage Equality USA's website and volunteer to help make civil marriage equality a reality here in Ohio.

Freedom to Marry Day

2011-01-28T17:47:00.000-08:00


Marriage is a Human Right

These are very interesting times. All over the world it seems, the desire for freedom, liberty, self-expression and self-fulfillment are being heard. In Tunisia, Iraq, Egypt, Iran, and as far away as Afghanistan, people are embracing the concept of freedom to give meaning to their lives, and hope to their dreams. The old expression, be careful what you ask for because you may get it seems appropriate here. Not many years ago the United States embarked on a military endeavor to depose a brutal dictator in Iraq, and hopefully replace despotic rule in that country with democracy. That effort shudders forward as we speak. It remains to be seen if democracy and liberty can or will take root in Iraq, a country tangled with sectarian adversaries, and generations-old hatreds.
And it remains to be seen if the concept of liberty and equality can or will take root right here in America, the home of the radical notion that "all men (and women) are created equal." It remains to be seen whether this nation will ever truly embrace the ideals on which it was founded, and bring the magnificent weight of law to bear on the inequity inherent in our civil marriage sanctions. At present many countries with reputations for human rights abuses, countries such as South Africa, have provisions for civil marriage equality. That's right, the United States of America is behind South Africa in human rights. By spreading the gospel of democracy abroad, it is coming home to America. Let's adopt the idea here, and make a giant leap toward that more perfect union we aspire to be. Marriage is not a heterosexual privilege; marriage is a human right.

Traditional Marriage

2011-01-16T14:26:00.000-08:00

It's Very Simple

There's nothing wrong with tradition--Tradition surrounds us, from the way we observe National Holidays, to our impulse to educate ourselves, to our traditional view that we should "do unto others," etc. Tradition is a very good thing. But there are traditions that no longer serve society--slavery, child labor, six-day work weeks come to mind. We're eminently adaptable, especially when we identify a tradition that divides rather than joins us, a tradition that serves only to maintain a discriminatory position against certain members of our society. Civil marriage inequality is one of those traditions. We've identified a tradition that must be altered, because there are members of society who are barred access to a fundamental human right--the right to marry the person they love. It's very simple. Laws, attitudes, minds must be changed, through education, acceptance, legislation, to allow this change to take place, to the betterment of society, as the alteration of those listed traditions above did in their time. The idea that only whites could marry would today be laughable; likewise, that women 'belong' to their spouses. Blacks and whites marry every day, an act which was illegal in many states a few short years ago. Couverture laws prohibited women from owning property, holding employment and attending school not long ago, being instead, by tradition, subjected to their husbands' approval and discretion.

Tradition is a very good thing, unless its application causes discrimination. Then, our sacred tradition of adherence to equality under the law must take precedence. Civil marriage equality is a simple matter of allowing another discriminatory tradition to pass away, enlarging rights for society--which expansion is another of our cherished traditions.

Voting Rights Denied

2010-10-30T16:29:00.000-07:00

No LGBT Voters

Imagine it: Tuesday morning arrives, election day. It’s rainy, chilly, raw. It’s filled with portent anyway; anti-equality candidates are ascendant. Across the country the momentum of progressive change has ground to a halt. Winds of equality, hope, recognition of rights at long last, perhaps even a long-cherished hope of civil marriage rights, that fresh breeze has been stilled, stagnant. The heady triumphs of 2008 seem a distant memory. But you refuse to concede defeat, refuse to believe the ominous signs and portents, and head to the polls. Voting, choosing, having the option to select your leadership, however flawed and venal they might be, drives you to participate. Isn’t it good to at least have that option? If you can’t marry, at least you can vote.

    You arrive at the polling place where American flags skirl in the breeze, signs directing voters, the patina of Democracy is everywhere. You feel included, a part of the process.
    Then you see it: a large sign with a red cross-hatch splayed across the rainbow flag. What is this? You can’t quite read the smaller text, but the red slash demands your attention. A chill masses on your arms, and it is not from the wind. Closer, you read the message, in italics. “No LGBT voters allowed.” Surely you’ve read it wrong. You move toward the sign as if compelled. You realize you’re running, that your heart is racing. What in the world?
    You blink, read the sign, read it again. “No LGBT voters allowed.” This is some kind of a prank, you say. Wait till the precinct captain sees it. He’ll take it down right away. What a travesty. Draped with red, white and blue bunting, the gay pride flag’s hopeful, inclusive colors are interrupted, slashed across with the circle-slash denial symbol. “No LGBT voters,” you mumble the words.
    The twin doors swing wide, and a fellow wearing an official badge, an American flag pin in his lapel holds the door for a young married couple with two young boys in tow. They greet the older fellow, who rumples the youngsters’ blond mops. “Morning John, morning Marcia,” he says. “Come to vote early, I see.” They greet him, and enter.
    He sees you beneath the colorful flag, and starts inside. You rush for the closing door, seeing his name tag as he enters. Bill S.--Precinct Captain.
    “Pardon me, sir,” you say, hand catching the door.
    “What’s that?” Bill lets the door shut.
    You grab the handle just in time. “The sign, sir,” you say.
    “What about it?”
    “Well, I wondered why it’s there, it needs to be removed, it’s...”
    “It’s staying there,” he says. “And it means just what it says. No gays or lesbians can vote. Didn’t you hear about the amendment to the state constitution?”
    Feeling like you’re in the middle of a bad dream, you shake your head. “Amendment? What amendment?”
    “Back in ’04,” he says. “People stood up to defend what’s right. We can’t have people like that voting, there’s no telling what that will lead to.”
    “People voted against LGBT voting rights? That’s impossible,” you say, your head spinning. “That can’t be true.”
    Bill nods in affirmation, his smile filled with satisfaction. “Of course it’s true,” he sneers. “We had to stop all that nonsense--voting, and adopting and protection against getting fired. Next thing you know they’ll want to get married. Right here in our state. Can you imagine it? No sir, we took a stand. Stood up for what’s right. We’ve got our rights too, you know?”
    Dizzy with the exchange, you let go of the door. Your chest heaves. You blink back tears. Anger swirls inside you. You’ll tear it down yourself. You turn toward the flag, looking for its mountings, its attachments. Taking its corner in your hand you try to rip it off the post, but it’s moored with heavy staples, taped and secured to withstand winds from left and right.
    Still, you grasp at the hateful sign, until you feel the tap on your shoulder. You didn’t see the cop pull into the lot.
    He shakes his head. Then he motions toward the cruiser. “Damaging federal property, at a polling place no less,” he says. “You can leave now, or I’ll have to take you downtown.”
    The chill wind creeps under your sleeve. Rain spits and drips, and flags snap in the cold air. Couples march into the warm building to vote. You start the car, and put it into reverse. Then you drive away.

L.O.V.E.

2010-10-09T18:13:00.000-07:00

L.O.V.E.

LOVE--It means a lot of different things, and just one thing. It means we care about someone. It's the one emotion that we can always count on to calm things down and make us feel better. Even when it brings us sadness, LOVE makes us feel more human and more in touch with everyone else, because it's a rare person indeed who has not been in love.

Here's a variation on the age-old concept. L.O.V.E. stands for Lets Only Vote Equality. They call this the silly season, the weeks leading up to an election. And this election promises to be sillier, yet more important than many in the past. For one thing it will be a referendum on some progressive pieces of legislation that have been inexorably wending their way forward in Congress toward long-overdue passage: Don't Ask Don't Tell simply must be eradicated; immigration reform must be addressed, including laws allowing partners of same-sex couples who are foreign nationals to stay in this country; Federal DOMA must be eliminated; Federal ENDA must be passed. There's a common thread here; all these initiatives center around equality under the law and due process. Many good, progressive legislators favor these equality issues. They need the backing of their constituents--that's us--to stand up to anti-equality forces, and win reelection. Check your slate. Check voting records. If your candidate has a history of voting equal rights, vote for them, regardless of party affiliation. There are good, conscientious legislators on both sides of the divide. Remember, L.O.V.E. Let's Only Vote Equality. It's not silly; it's the American way.

Scholarship Fund

2010-09-30T18:34:00.000-07:00

Sexuality Studies Scholarship Fund

It is time to recognize that LGBT youth are in danger. We can no longer ignore the fact that the suicide rate among LGBT youth is twice the national average. Interventions are required, but what is truly needed is a sea-change in social acceptance of gay and lesbian young people. There are those who discuss tolerance, and that is at least better than outright rejection. But tolerance is a low-grade form of dismissal, a condescending attitude that says, in short, I allow you to be who you are, it's okay if you're gay, I'll allow that. This is nonsense. Imagine someone saying I'm okay that you're straight. I allow you to be a heterosexual, go ahead if you must.
For our part, we're promoting a newly created scholarship fund aimed at youth who identify as LGBT. It's called the Sexuality Studies Scholarship Fund. It is available at The Ohio State University to undergrads and grad students with a Sexuality Studies minor. The SS Major should be approved soon at OSU, marking the first such Sexuality Studies Major in the nation. The scholarship award will be based on an essay of between 500 and 1,000 words. The scholarship is awarded to the student essay which best exemplifies how sexual or gender identity 'difference' has had a positive effect on the author's life and how this difference influenced their decision to work for positive change in society. The award is $250 or more, which will be applied toward tuition and fees. There will be a Fall and Spring competition every year. Our goal is to advertise and promote the fund until it reaches endowment status at $50,000. At that point it will create one full scholarship.
Anyone wishing to donate to this fund should go to http://www.giveto.osu.edu. Enter Fund # 313427.
Donations can also be made through Campus Campaign via OSU payroll deductions. Consider also dedicating part of your estate funds to this worthwhile and timely fund. These young people need recognition and acceptance now more than ever. For more information go to the Sexuality Studies website.
http://sexualitystudies.osu.edu/scholarships/

Passionate Enduring Love

2010-09-29T14:42:00.000-07:00

126 months ago we said I Do. After what some considered a hasty relationship, they whispered to each other, "I'll give them six months." As expected, we weathered a few initial storms. From the mundane stylistic household differences to money and kids, we worked to figure out the issues living together creates. Our goal was to form a sustainable, long-term bond which would grant the sense of security a good relationship provides.

However, from the start of our love we've known there was more to be gleaned if only we'd dig a bit deeper into each other. We felt if we were willing to risk it all, lay our complete selves shamelessly on the hypothetical line, we may find ourselves in each other.

We challenged our own idea of what constitutes a vibrant long lasting love affair. What is the it we seek? Trust, patience, wisdom, peace to name a few. A key we intuitively understood was the need to keep the excitement, passion and romance alive and growing. At first we didn't know if that was a sustainable component of our long-term love. Though it's much less frantic than our first months, the beauty of time has given us a rich, complete, satisfying love affair that we're proud to share with others.

We encourage you to use rituals to keep your Caffection exciting, as well as celebrating monthly. Building your bond can be as easy a love note in a sock or a perfume spritz on their pillow, the key is never forget you once were best friends who wanted it to last forever.

126 months later, I'm here to tell you --- It's even better than you can imagine!

got caffection?: To Have and To Hold

2010-09-27T15:20:00.000-07:00

got caffection?: To Have and To Hold: " A beautiful marriage proposal. We were honored to be included in this wonderful moment. Congratulations Lauren & Shannon You held my..."

Prop 8 Unconstitutional

2010-08-05T17:31:00.000-07:00

Marriage Is A Human Right

Refreshing news from California. Yes, the denial of equal protection is indeed wrong. Proposition 8 was grounded in an assumption of heterosexual privilege, and it has been ruled null and void in California based on the laws that keep us all free and equal. It was never a question of whether voters should determine the rights of individuals. In a democracy voters should never be allowed to determine the rights of others. This is why we have constitutions, and constitutions are not swords, they are shields meant to protect not the powerful majority but the unempowered minority. Should citizens of this country enjoy the equal right to marry the person they love? The answer is self-evident. Of course they should. This country has never been good at perpetuating a group of second class citizens. And we are less able to do this all the time as we mature and educate ourselves. Our acceptance also increases, sadly, the further we remove ourselves from hateful religious intolerance. The very institutions that should be promoting acceptance are preaching hatred and division, and shame on all of them. So-called Christians, Mormons, Muslims, Jews--any religious sect promoting unequal treatment of anyone should know that they are on the wrong side of the civil marriage equality issue, and they need to join with us in celebrating love, or they have a lot to answer for. The ruling in California is likely only a beginning, but let's hope it's a solid one. Let's hope this is the start of the dissolution of our national identity taken hostage by Christian fundamentalists and religious groups of all stripes who insist on injecting their intolerant, sexist, racist, hateful message into our civic dialogue. It is time for Americans to demand the true separation of church and state functions as the founders envisioned and to deny Christian hate mongers access to our courts, legislatures and other civic entities. Unless these churches begin to pay taxes and assume the role in the sunlight that they've enjoyed in shadow, these groups must step aside and allow our national civic affairs to proceed unimpeded. The sacred documents we should be observing as citizens are not the Bible, the Koran, the Vedas or any other religious text; our sacred documents are the United States Constitution and our Bill of Rights. The decision in California upholds that belief, and so should we all.

Mosque at Ground Zero

2010-08-04T13:11:00.000-07:00


Ground Zero

Recently, a decision was made to allow the construction of a mosque near ground zero in New York City. Opponents of this building project, the establishment of a shrine to Islam in the vicinity of the very symbol of the terrorist mayhem wrought by Islamic Jihad, the rubble of the World Trade Center Towers, is likely the best possible signal this country could send that we are an accepting, diverse, inclusive people. Opposition to the building has arrived, on schedule, from the usual suspects: the Christian religious right, Biblical scholars of every (Christian) denomination, and right-wing political opportunists like Sarah Palin and Glenn Beck. The latter two chuckleheads of course, as is their instinct, hear the merry ka-ching of cash registering into their pockets with every exhortation against a mosque anywhere near such a holy shrine as the Toppled Towers. Before the mosque is built, my guess is that one of our enlightened right-wing ranting-heads will alight upon a way to blame Obama for issuing its permit.
As easy as it is to find flaws in the argument to deny this structure near ground zero, we must ask ourselves what exactly does nearby mean? Across the street? Two blocks away? Five, eight, two miles? Jeremy Bentham once wrote that the problem with censorship is that it can't be measured because no one knows where it might end. I have an answer for Mr. Bentham: let's say censorship ends at its very beginning. And let's go one step beyond this and say that the beginning of censorship is identified at the very doorway of the religious buildings in which we worship of a Sunday, or Saturday or five times each day. Let's use this latest froo-farah in New York as a stepping off point for the long-awaited revival of another kind of religion in this country, our neglected observance of a secular religion, our dedication to our laws and sacred documents like the U.S. Constitution, the Bill of Rights and numerous edicts passed with our fundamental civil rights in mind, those dictates that assure us freedom 'from' religion. For too long we have been kept under the boot heel of rabid Christian ideology in America. For too long we have been held hostage to the fantasy that this is a 'Christian Nation,' one founded on the Bible. For too long this absurd concatenation from religious zealots, yes, some of them Islamic, but most of them Christian has poisoned our politics our progress and our national discourse. We are not a Christian nation, so-called, and any assumption to that end is simply wrong. Our founders were not 'Good Christian Gentlemen,' despite what we have been spoon fed by the Christian establishment. Anyone with a minimal understanding of our history knows that those white men posted in Philadelphia in the summer of 1776, those men who crafted the documents which are the blueprint of America were Deists. They did not subscribe to a close relationship between church and government. Quite the contrary, due to their understanding of European governmental constructs--oppressive land use and religious dictation to government for instance, they were apprehensive about any proximity whatsoever between the two entities. Those men understood what could happen if civil government and church dogma blended and overlapped, and they didn't like what they saw. This the very reason the separation between church and state was codified from the beginning of this country's civic life.
Building a mosque, a temple, a church, a smoke lodge at the ground zero site signals for all the world to see that not only do we Americans value our religious rights, we understand that those rights exist only because we accept that reality for all others, even at the point of siting a differing congregation in the very shadow of such a sacred site as the Trade Towers. That siting does not signal, as some will contend, the 'success' of Islam; it will not signal encroachment of one religion over another; it does not desecrate ground zero. Muslims, too, died in the towers that day, after all. The mosque at Ground Zero is America at our best.

Sixty-Two

2010-07-08T19:01:00.000-07:00


Sixty-Two Years

What an odd feeling to be eligible for Social Security. I thought that program was for old farts? In any case, I'm there, and one day soon, provided I don't wake up to find my obituary posted, I'll mosey on down to the SSA office, have a leetle chat with the fine folks there, and see what's available. It's equally odd to think that I could have the Uncle of Sam send me a check each month just for my continued skill at breathing. But then I have been practicing for quite some time, admittedly. And there are a passel of folks who have stopped practicing their inspirational skills, and the Guv'mint has withheld their funds, so...

Things are changing. In my 62 years on the planet I didn't think I'd see such scientific whiz-bang stuff as space travel that's best described as boring, internet conductivity that has erased every distance known to man, or woman, or child. I never expected to see a man of color in the white-washed president's house in DC, and they tell me a woman might could live there at some point as well. A woman! Imagine it. Medical science proceeds by chunks instead of nips, as hearts are stalled for repairs, like turning off the ignition and gawking under the hood, then cranked back up again. Next thing you know they'll have us doing our own CPR. Cheaper and more effective, they'll say. Who has most to lose? Reasonably soon we'll be able to stop those nasty bugs that insist on mooching off of us from duplicating by interrupting their communication link with each other. Did you know bacteria talk to each other? Neither did I, but they do. We're gonna be able to cancel their cell phone contracts, so they'll have nothing but dropped calls, sort'a like us!

But the really sensational news is that we are indeed moving toward a new understanding of what equal rights really means in America. As I write this, a judge has ruled in Boston that Federal Defense Of Marriage Act is unconstitutional. Hopefully, before I shuffle off to that big dirt nap, I will see civil marriage equality as the law of the land. It's coming, America. And here's the thing: when LGBT people are able to marry, the sun will still rise in the East, cows will still give milk, Niagara Falls will continue falling, chickens will lay eggs, Republicans will still say no to everything, Democrats will still be hopelessly disorganized and life will go on without so much as a whimper or a snort. It will be the biggest Ho-Hum in history. You heard it here first.

Class Essay

2010-07-01T03:39:00.000-07:00

The Essay

The requirement is to write a personal essay. The piece must be between 6 and 18 pages long, and since the class is creative non-fiction, it must be, well, non-fiction. It must, in other words, be mostly true. I've decided to write an essay about a subject that for one reason or another makes people uncomfortable. Religion? Sex? Hemorrhoids? Nope, I'm writing about how I love my wife. And yes, it's non-fiction.

What is it about a spouse proclaiming their affection and love for their mate in public that makes people wince? Is it something to do with propriety? A throwback to our Puritan roots, those hoary values that have caused us no end of grief, anxiety and guilt in this culture? Does this fall under the rubric of acronym--TMI (Too Much Information), PDA (Public Displays of Affection), GAR (Get A Room)? Are we as a society this emotionally constipated that we can't even talk about our love for the person we sleep with (almost) every night? If true, this is sad beyond measure.

If it is, indeed, true it seemed to me a reasonable topic for an essay in a creative nonfiction writing class. I've already started the piece. In deference to social sensibilities I've placed the disclaimers first, not wishing to turn readers away within the first paragraph. The essay is not about our cutesy rituals, the icky-poo daily tics and touchy-feelies of some brand new, and some not so brand new marriages. It is not about our sex lives, relax. It's not about how we fixed our busted, clunky, run-of-the-mill poor excuse for a matrimonial match, a how-to manual for your own inert marriage. It isn't about how we overcome great obstacles, move mountains to be together, proclaim our undying love and affection from the top of the Empire State Building either. None of that. The essay is simply about how my wife and I came to a very early understanding that our marriage is truly sacred to us, completely removed from all the conventional, too often commercial aspects of marriage. We have a bond that fulfills our every need, not using all the devices noted above--the shouts from atop tall buildings in large cities etc.--but almost despite all that outward foo-farah. We even have a designation for what we believe is the one, vital, indispensable ingredient to a life together as mates: we are simply best friends.

The word essay derives from the French essai, to try, to make an attempt. My essay on spousal love is not definitive; it is an attempt to tell our story of how marriage works for us. Everyone needs their own essay.

DADT (again!)

2010-06-22T13:49:00.000-07:00

Letter to Senators Sherrod Brown and George Voinovich of Ohio on the upcoming Senate vote to repeal DADT.

Senator:
As a retired thirty-one year veteran of the U.S. Army, and a Vietnam vet, I have a bit of authority when addressing issues that pertain to the military, perhaps a bit more authority than some of your constituents who have never worn the uniform. The Don't Ask Don't Tell policy now in place is a stain on our nation's honor, and a slap in the face to brave troops who are ordered to be ethical, honorable and truthful as they pursue the mission of keeping this country safe. DADT demands that certain troops lie about something as fundamental as who they are. There have always been LGBT troops, and there always will be. Alexander the Great was gay, and I don't see anyone in history accusing him of damaging unit cohesion. The irony of this misguided policy is that heterosexual troops are not only allowed, but encouraged to flaunt their sexuality every day, in every situation. Every day of my thirty-one years in the Army offered a sampling of macho, often misogynistic behavior by heterosexual males intent in their bravado of assuring their fellow troops that they were straight. So I propose this: When the final discussion takes place in reference to DADT, leaving it in place also means mustering out those straight troops who refuse to honor its central theme, namely keeping one's sexuality to oneself. When men brag about the women they have had, and in what number, and in what ways, muster them out. When men ( or women) announce for everyone that they revel in their sexuality and discuss how and why, muster them out. When straight men and women publicly display their affections, desires and sexual intentions while in uniform, muster them out. Either that or DADT, otherwise unit cohesion may be negatively affected.
Senator, I enjoyed my years in the Army, obviously, or I would not have stayed so long. One of the main attractions in the military for me was its ability to lead the culture in terms of equal rights. This sounds odd, but it happens to be true. The military has always been at the cutting edge of social change. It is time for the military to lead that change again. Let's repeal DADT, and do it now. IT IS TIME!
Thank you for all you do.

Independence Day 2010

2010-06-15T15:44:00.000-07:00

It Is Time!

An open letter to my family and other opponents of civil marriage equality.

I look at all of you with your families, your kids, your gratifying lives together, and I’m proud of you for having created a place for yourselves where you and your spouses are safe, happy, encouraged and indulged. I’m proud that you’ve taken the lessons our parents taught us, to be industrious, curious, ethical and conscientious in all you do. You’ve all made a life for yourselves that may be possible only in this great country. Other places in the world you might have been restrained by your class, lack of education, different religious beliefs or ethnicity. You may have been relegated to a menial position in society as a function of your color or name or nationality.

    But you were born and raised in the United States of America, where our national understanding is that we are all ‘created equal.’ Sometimes we take for granted the words of our sacred documents, those powerful phrases that Thomas Jefferson penned 234 years ago this Spring, that all men are created equal, that we are endowed by our creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. We all know these words, and we recite them with pride at least once a year, on our national day of independence. Sadly, we too often tuck them away for the rest of the year, taking them for granted, forgetting things that I am about to remind you of in this missive.

    To wit: The words Mister Jefferson wrote are indeed powerful, and moving. At the time they were written they were not only astonishing, they were radical in nature. Indeed, they were treasonous. Jefferson, Franklin, Adams, Locke, Sherman, the men who shepherded the document that created this nation into existence knew better than anyone that having written those words, and then affixing their signatures to the paper, opened them up to charges by King George the 3rd that could result in their execution. It was no small thing; those men were stating, on paper, for all the world to read, that they and all the colonists had ‘a right to be free.’ They were throwing down the gauntlet, saying, in effect, we will no longer obey the laws, treaties, taxation demands or subjection of the British Empire, the most powerful nation the world had ever known up to that time. Those men were all British subjects, and many of them felt they were signing their death warrant.

    Many years of revolution, hardship and desperation followed before the Declaration of Independence meant anything more than a piece of paper signed by a group of landed, wealthy white men, wishing to free themselves of England’s boot heel so they could trade and make treaties on their own, and grow even more wealthy. But you see, and this is the part that sounds unpatriotic, Mister Jefferson never intended freedom for ‘all’ men. Not really. At the time of the signing, educated, white, Christian, male property owners were what he and his colleagues had in mind. Notice he didn’t write ‘all men and women are created equal.’ Mister Jefferson owned several slaves. He had included language in the Declaration meant to phase out the peculiar institution of slavery, with the intention of removing blacks, eventually, to another country. But Jefferson’s anti-slavery language was stricken from the final document, in order to win approval from other slaveholding signatories, allowing passage of the Declaration. Indeed, our national freedom document was signed by a group of men who never envisioned the logical, indeed the intended words to be applied in their entirety to ‘all men.’

    They never intended, for instance, that ‘all men‘ meant ALL MEN. There was the nagging problem of what to do about men who didn’t own property, yet agitated for voting rights nonetheless. And they got those rights, too, but not without a struggle. They never intended for men of color to be included. Anyone who knows our history between 1861 and 1865, from Sumter to Appomattox knows what happened when that struggle ruptured the country, and black men asserted their rights. The principle of ‘coverture’ was law at the time. Coverture kept women dependent, denying them the right to own property, get an education or have an income without their husband’s approval. Fully 144 years after the Declaration was signed, women finally won the right to vote, and coverture disappeared. It could be argued that Mister Jefferson’s powerful words, as simple and radical as they were at the time, were exclusive, not inclusive, which is what they ought to have been if their central theme of equality for ‘all men‘ was what he truly meant. Instead, our national Declaration of Independence is even today a work in progress.

    Because those words have been subject to interpretation, and even armed struggle at times, our history is littered with the debris of battles between those demanding their rights and those who would deny them those rights, for whatever reason.

    The U.S. Constitution, at least at the outset, gets it right. “We the People,” it starts. Not men, nor women, nor white, black, Christian, Muslim but ‘People.’ The Constitution guarantees rights through its several amendments that have been passed through the years, when various alterations were deemed necessary to insure the rights of a segment of ‘We the people’ otherwise denied. One of the most important amendments, added in 1868, is the 14th. Section 1 of the 14th amendment is referred to as the equal protection clause. Simply stated, it says that any citizen of the United States is entitled to equal protection under the law. This is important, because up to that time, various groups of people could be denied their day in court, simply because of who they were. With the exception of the 18th amendment creating prohibition, and the 21st repealing it, every amendment has as its goal the protection of a group of citizens otherwise disenfranchised in American society. This is important, too. The Constitution is not a sword; it is a shield. The document establishing our rights as citizens was never intended to protect the powerful, or the majority, but the weak and the minority.

    We have arrived at yet another point in our history where a group of fellow citizens is being systematically denied full rights and protections. Regardless of how you feel about their persons, practices, beliefs or identifications, our LGBT brothers and sisters, contrary to the 14th amendment and various other founding documents, are being denied equal protection, and the full benefit of citizenship in the United States of America. They are indeed members in good standing of ‘We the people.’ They fall easily into the definition of ‘all men’ and they are now, rightfully so, demanding their full rights, protections and benefits under our laws and Constitution. One of the rights they are demanding is the right to marry the person they love. Despite Supreme court rulings that marriage is a human right by definition, LGBT people in America are being restricted from the full, gratifying, stabilizing and socially strengthening power of civil marriage equality. This is simply wrong, and the stain of this restriction must be removed. It is time to stop denying that segment of our society the full, guaranteed rights they demand. Bear in mind that I am not referring to matrimony, nor am I writing of church or religious marriage. This is not about the Bible, religion, sin, ethics or morality. The only moral issue here is how anyone claiming to be an American can, in good conscience, continue to oppose such blatant discrimination and live with their hypocrisy. The same separation between church and state that protects your religious belief from government interference must--simply must--protect civil rights for all citizens. At present this is not so. To those who fear demands by LGBT people to force churches to perform marriages, or hire people whose lives and identities they disdain, I am fully on your side. Were the state to attempt coercion of such things I will stand at your church door with you demanding that the state desist. For ministers, priests, rabbis or mullahs who still preach the myth of a homosexual agenda, let me say this in plain language: they are either actively misguided, or they are liars. They are using fear and intimidation to force you to support them, and they are simply lying to you. Anyone who claims to be a man or woman of God preaching hatred and division should be ashamed of this reprehensible behavior, defrocked and sent packing.

    I look at heterosexual couples, and I see them enjoying those rights--to marry, establish a safe, loving home, build a life together, raise kids in a safe environment, strengthen the social status of marriage by their example, and I see a very good thing. I see a status of marriage that fits my own definition. Then I see people, some of my own family included, enjoying those same rights and privileges yet actively denying them to other people, and I am shamed. If you truly cherish what you and your spouse have built together, the love, joy and commitment you value above all else, but then refuse to allow another human being that same joy and fulfillment, shame on you. Examine your conscience, and reconsider this hateful behavior. You’ll feel better, and your fears will prove unfounded.

    The demand for civil marriage equality not only recognizes the denial of rights, and a way to redress that denial, the prospect raises the status of marriage, by saluting a group of people actively demanding its rights and benefits. I see heterosexual couples taking for granted the status of marriage every day, unaware that many of the rights within marriage have been altered and refined over many years. Not long ago it was possible for men to rape their wives and to expect full protection from the law. This is no longer the case, but only because women demanded change. Coverture is no longer a part of marriage. Restricting womens’ ability to earn money, own property or educate themselves today would be ludicrous. In 1967, it was illegal in sixteen states for whites and blacks to marry each other. Withholding marriage rights from interracial couples today would be laughable. Marriage has changed and evolved through the years to become what it is today: a rite--and a right--defined not by property and privilege, but by love. Couples don’t marry for procreation, property or convenience. They marry for love. Our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters fall in love every day, just as we do; they desire to establish homes and families together, just like we do; they want to devote their lives to each other, to protect, nurture, intercede for and encourage each other, just like we do. And they want to get married--just like we do. It is time we let them.

    It is time, my friends. It is time to recognize that a grave dishonor is being perpetuated in this great country. We Americans are denying a basic human right to people who wish only to join us in celebrating the single strongest bond society knows, the marriage of two people who love and cherish each other. It is time to recognize that gays and lesbians exist, that they love and work among us every day, that they have the same desires, dreams and duties we do. It is time civil marriage equality is recognized as simply the right thing to do. It is time.

2010-06-13T16:56:00.000-07:00

We attended the Human Rights Campaign Annual Gala dinner last evening, with 500 other people. It's always good to feel the energy and momentum of positive change in society, and to rub shoulders with people who are in the forefront of that inexorable movement toward equality for all. The stories and perspectives that arise from meetings like those are the refreshing boost we sometimes need, as we slog along toward equal rights for everyone. National field director for HRC, Marty Rouse, said it best last evening, quoting Jimmy Carter. He said that America didn't invent human rights; human rights invented America. Seeing all those who stand up every day to promote that premise, and put themselves out there to keep the issue alive is both gratifying and energizing. We should all want to be like those people, and to emulate all who have looked ahead, seen a brighter day, and shown us all how to get there. Possibly the best benefit available to interacting with those equality heroes is seeing that we SHOULD want to go there. Equal rights is not a frightening concept; equal rights is the future for all of us. We need to, and we must embrace it.

ME essay #1 The Essence of Marriage

2010-06-09T12:38:00.000-07:00

Marriage is for Everyone

Aristotle defined ‘Justice’ as the concept of giving people what they deserve. Good or bad, the ancient Greek philosopher whose ideas and interpretations have endured through the centuries clearly understood the value of simplicity, and the vicissitudes of human nature.
    So what do people deserve? That’s the primary question, and the answer is rarely as simple as it appears. In the case of legal applications, when laws are broken and society demands redress, what justice do we serve the offender? Using Aristotle’s definition, we would give the lawbreaker what they deserve. A murderer should be killed, a thief should have something stolen from him, an arsonist should lose his home to fire. But as we consider each of those punishments, those applications of justice, we see quickly that they lack one essential element; they disregard the consequences to the rest of society of what we’ve come to refer to as unintended consequences. If we kill convicted murderers does that increase the acceptance and facility of killing in society? Possibly, so we hesitate to codify capital punishment. Likewise, if the thief suffers an equivalent loss of property through thievery, does that validate the practice of stealing, by enhancing its status as a state-endorsed practice? If we burn down the home of the arsonist, does his or her family then go without a home, and become entitled to shelter from the state? These are not simple questions, and this brings us to another point about simplicity and our current public debate.
    All the above questions have one thing in common: they all ignore the essential purpose of the law’s application and intervention in each crime. In other words, what are we trying to accomplish? It is this way as well with any application of justice; we must discern the essential purpose of the exercise we are trying to judge. Recently, a professional golfer named Casey Martin sued the PGA for the right to use a golf cart in competition. Mr. Martin cited his need to ride in a cart instead of walking the links due to a medical condition. The PGA disallowed golf cart use, deeming that variation a detriment to the essential nature of the game. The case was driven all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court, which ruled in favor of Martin. The ruling was based, as mentioned above, on the essential nature of the activity. In other words, as Justice Antonin Scalia said, the court had first to decide “What Is Golf”? And is walking a golf course ‘essential’ to playing the game? Their ruling said, in short, that walking is not essential to golf, therefore Martin must be allowed to use a cart.
    The interesting part of the discussion was mention of the moral and ethical ingredients which found their way into the argument. Big name professional golfers argued that Martin’s cart would undermine their integrity as athletes, something that they were apparently sensitive to already. Thus, the ethics and morality of the individual points overshadowed an otherwise simple, elegant solution of allowing anyone who wanted to use a cart to do so.
    What does this have to do with the current controversy over so-called same-sex marriage? Once again, the argument hinges on how to adjudicate a case in which the essential nature of the institution, marriage in this case, has yet to be determined. Why do we marry? What is the purpose of marriage? In other words, what is the essential nature of an institution that has an influence in all of our lives, but which has never been adequately discerned as to its essence. If we’re to determine that marriage is for procreation, then a lot of heterosexual couples who have no children, cannot have them, choose not to or are too old to have them must not be allowed the status of marriage. If marriage is for loving, committed companionship and life-long care and nurturing, then it makes no sense to restrict it to heterosexuals. If the argument centers on Biblical concepts proscribing certain sexual activities, then marriage must be further restricted to only those people who remain sexually faithful for life, and un-divorced. Second marriages would automatically be invalid.
    After hearing all the arguments, presentations, warnings and dire predictions from opponents of civil marriage equality, I have managed to discern one thing: that the opposition to marriage equality, based on their definition of the essence of marriage, will eventually be overruled. They’re running out arguments, simply because the essence of marriage, as religious and other faith-based groups well know, is the latter. Marriage is based on the simple requirement and necessity that we love and care for another human being in such a way that we wish to devote our lives to them. That is the essence of marriage, and the reason courts will eventually rule in favor of civil marriage equality.
    There is also the minor detail of the fourteenth amendment to the U.S. Constitution, but that is for another discussion.

The other shoe

2010-06-07T05:52:00.000-07:00

This is what waiting for love looks like

As I write this, a court in California is pondering the issue of love. Love and its soft, emotional, ethereal aspects is not something we ordinarily equate with the hard, unemotional reality-based judicial system, but there it is. A court in California is soon to decide, with the thud of a gavel, whether or not the love our LGBT friends carry for one another is, in standard courthouse terminology, legitimate. The court will decide if a referendum by people in California is to be upheld, or struck down, a vote about love.

When you put it that way, it seems absurd that, in a country that brands itself a nation of laws, our courts would concern themselves with matters of the heart. But the reality is that marriage, which is specifically what this issue refers to, that civil institution that is and has been for a very long time a matter for courts, should suddenly be put to a vote. There are those who argue that the state has no business being involved in marriage anyway, that what two people in love decide to do about their union is their business, and has no connection to civil affairs. But as long as civil marriage involves so many contractual, legal, business connections--such as property protections, wills, medical rights, custody and myriad other considerations in law, then civil marriage does indeed connect with the state and its duty to validate marriage, as it does all other civil institutions.

Which brings us back to the conundrum of the present court case. From where I sit, it appears that the court is at present attempting to decide whether or not its own authority is still valid, whether or not the State of California--through such representative structures as its courts etc. is free to conduct its own business! Or, conversely, and absurdly in my estimation, that court system is about to allow its juris-diction--Latin for Legal Speech, to be exercised by the voters in a referendum?

The other shoe is about to drop, and depending what is decided in California, courts everywhere are about to either lose a degree of authority, or we're all about to receive a grand civics lesson in just why small 'd' democracy and its attendant republicanism is preferable to big 'D' democracy and mob rule. Benjamin Franklin, when asked what kind of government we had selected for ourselves said, "It's a republic, if you can keep it." Let's see if we keep it or not, when the other shoe drops in California this week or next.

2010-05-04T03:35:00.001-07:00

Fly Away

2010-04-18T12:37:00.000-07:00

Fly away in our beautiful balloon!

BELLA BALLOONS

Coming Soon--A New Kind of Travel Document

2010-03-27T09:39:00.000-07:00

Travelogue

Coming soon--A new kind of travel document. This may look like a book. In fact it is, an e-book currently, but soon to be published as a real hold it in your hand kind of book that we intend to pass around to those interested in taking a bold new journey, one that requires packing a few things you never expected to need, and also to unpack things no one needs, and likely never did--like a set of assumptions, a parcel of beliefs, and perhaps a fresh look at one of the most fulfilling destinations available to anyone--Marriage, and its unique status in modern society. This travelogue may require you to discard your old, well-worn baggage, and replace it with a new, sturdier, nearly tamper-proof matching set that will itself distinguish you as a seasoned, knowledgeable traveler.

The book is titled 1138 Reasons Why Marriage=Everyone. Why the number? You'll have to ask your travel agent, or the author. Here's a hint: If you're already married, you already have this number of ------, so don't worry. If you're not yet married, the number represents a reason marriage is so important in modern life, and why it must be made available to everyone. The book will be here soon, copies sold on Amazon, and through the author (that's me) for the asking. Price should be in the $10.00 range, with proceeds going to the struggle for equal marriage rights across the land, the great country we all travel every day.

Winter Fades

2010-03-22T17:56:00.000-07:00

Winter Begins to Fade...

At last, Winter begins to dissipate, and Spring flowers take the place of frosty branch and bough. And today we have a new beginning as well in our nation's approach to those left out in the cold without proper health care insurance. Thanks to President Barack Obama, and courageous Democrats, who have put the needs of the American people first, we progress to a new era, an age when everyone has access to affordable, decent, useful, meaningful health insurance. No more will any American be left out in the wintertime chill simply because they lack the financial wherewithal to see a doctor when they're ill, or have to bear chronic pain and suffering when a simple clinic visit may alleviate that pain. It's a new Spring in America, a new age when those who choose to divide and conquer to achieve their goals have been defeated...for now.

Next, the disposal of the ill-conceived, ridiculous, massively misguided law--Don't Ask Don't Tell. DADT is a shameful reminder of a hopefully fast-fading anachronism, homophobia, and it must go, sooner than later. By Spring, DADT must be sad, long-discarded part of our history.

Religion and Same-Sex Relationships

2010-03-18T09:08:00.000-07:00

Response to Religious Questionnaire

This is in response to a question a good friend had concerning my feelings today about my religious background, specifically, whether my views have changed over time.

My question is the same as it might have been at age twelve: If you preach all this love, acceptance, forgiveness, then why do you not practice it in your daily life? No one said it would be easy to follow Christ’s mandate to love each other. No one ever said it was simple to see the beauty in everyone, to find the humanity in someone who looks different, speaks differently, dresses in odd ways, believes other than we do, or loves someone in ways we don’t understand. But here’s the thing: If we call ourselves Christians, and we witness two people who love and cherish each other, and who want to commit their lives to each other, then we are required--demanded--to not only accept those people, but to celebrate that relationship. We have it exactly backward: Homosexuality is not the aberration; preaching love and acceptance on conditional terms is the aberration. Condemning people for who they love is the aberration. Denying people the right to commit to each other is the aberration. Restricting marriage to people who qualify only by gender, regardless of financial ability, maturity, ability to contribute to society, even disregarding whether they love each other or not--that’s the aberration.
We’re not talking about tolerance here; tolerance is an arrogant, dismissive term. It says, alright, be who you are if you must, I will allow that. That’s ridiculous. The key is acceptance, and love, and yes, celebration of the fact that two other human beings have found the person who is right for them. It’s time to stop condemning love, and start celebrating it.
So, yes, my views have shifted. Instead of church participants continuing their spurious protection of marriage, it’s time they begin living the creed they espouse. It’s time they get past the fear and judgement that clouds their ability to accept the message they were given, to simply love one another, as He loved us. He never once said it would be easy. He just said we must do it, and my guess is it will become easy. Besides, it’s the right thing to do.

Marriage Equality

2010-03-09T13:26:00.000-08:00

L-O-V-E=L-O-V-E=L-O-V-E=

The picture above is of two people in love. How can we determine the gender of these two gentle, caring people? How do we figure out which one is male, which one female? The one on the left appears to be male, though the lips are somewhat feminine. On the right, the ear seems to belong to a female, or perhaps not. Why is this so difficult? Are we as adults, and reasonably smart, intuitive, alert people pretty good at picking out gender markers, characteristics and profiles? Of course we are. Then why the trouble with this picture? I'm sure those eyebrows belong to a female, right? And the hairline on the right is definitely male, true? Why is this so hard?

And why does it matter? Do lips and eyebrows and ears and hairlines fall in love and share that loving sensation with each other? No. People fall in love, and people share all that love represents, whether it's a whispered affirmation, an eyebrow raised in greeting from across a crowded room, a brush of lips against each others' in the dim half-light of evening, or the bending of an ear to a lover, to capture every sense and nuance of what they tell us.

If we have trouble determining genders and characteristics of two people in love, perhaps it doesn't matter? All that any of us want is to be one of those two people, and to share that kind of love with another person.

Spring 2010

2010-03-07T15:06:00.000-08:00

SPRING!!!!!!!!

The picture was taken just outside my window, today, at five pm. It is about 50 degrees F as I write this. Winter isn't over, officially or otherwise, but it's quickly losing its grip on us once again, and soon Spring will take over. Is there something you need to renew or replenish? If so, this is a great time to look into it, to make 2010 the best year ever. Twenty-gazillion daffodils can't be wrong!

119

2010-02-27T09:50:00.000-08:00

119 Months

That's how long it's been since our marriage. That's how many months we've been coupled, as they say. The one thing we can't seem to figure out after all these months, is how our relationship keeps getting better? This picture was taken last week as we walked together through our local patch of woods. It was early morning, as you can see, the sun just getting up. Snow the night before had coated the trees with its indiscriminate blanket, and few animal tracks had disturbed its pristine surface. The silence was total, and nearly palpable. Stopping arm in arm, we both listened--to the shush of wind in the branches, the far off hiss of traffic, the tap-tap-tap of a hungry woodpecker. We had each other for warmth, and that was enough. 119 months ago we vowed fidelity, and love, and care for each other. We've learned a lot. One thing we know is, that no matter how cold or hostile or chilling life may be, the sun always comes again.

Favorite Poem

2010-02-24T17:46:00.001-08:00

...and a small cabin build there,

Lake Isle of Innisfree, by William Butler Yeats was my father's favorite poem. Dad died three years ago, but he left behind a wonderful legacy of appreciation for nature, the quiet of a rustic setting, and a tiny cabin in the woods, much like the one above. And he loved the Yeats poem, so I'm posting it here in its entirety, because, well, I love it, too.

Enjoy--

I will arise and go now, and go to Innisfree,

And a small cabin build there, of clay and wattles made;

Nine-bean rows will I have there, a hive for the honey-bee,

And live alone in the bee-loud glade.

And I shall have some peace there, for peace comes dropping slow,

Dropping from the veils of the morning, to where the cricket sings;

There midnight's all aglimmer, and noon a purple glow,

And evening full of the Linnet's wings.

I will arise and go now, for always night and day,

I hear lake water lapping with low sounds by the shore;

While I stand by the roadway, or on the pavements grey,

I hear it in the deep heart's core.

Spring?

2010-02-15T17:03:00.000-08:00

"Spring"

Can you feel it in the air? Aren't the days longer now? Isn't the sun warmer at noontime? Or am I imagining that Spring is just around the corner?

Winter's Pace

2010-02-11T07:12:00.000-08:00

Winter has a way of setting our pace for us. This is a good thing; if everything else slows down in winter-beasts and trees and processes-then why not us? Snowstorms like the one of recent days is are nature's way of telling us to slow down, take a (wintry) breath, take a minute to consider. And perhaps it's a way to force us to get closer to someone for warmth and companionship? Is there anything better than a walk in a silent, snow-covered wood with the one person you know will keep you warm and safe no matter what? Doubtful. It's certainly worth the slowing down, no question.

Winter Walk

2010-02-06T11:59:00.000-08:00

There's something about bundling up on a winter's morning, and braving the wild, windy woods that takes us back to a part of our childhood, or at least a simpler time. Having to face the elements, trudging off into a threatening, unforgiving environment is something two people can do together to share their commitment to each other, and demonstrate the depth of their bond. It's like heading into the unknown and hostile in many other parts of life, only more elemental and harsh. It's also more basic, and easier to understand the nature of the threat. It's easier still to see how well a relationship shields us from the cold and wind when we return to hot chocolate and a crackling fire. Life doesn't get any better, and it's the contrast between cold and warmth that brings that out.

books, books, books

2010-02-04T07:27:00.000-08:00

Stacks

Thompson Library OSU Main

The picture was taken from the stairwell adjacent to the main stacks in Thompson Libarary at OSU. This is a small slice of the real collection, a minor parcel of the astounding resource available here. This is just a glimpse of over one million books in this library, a resource unimaginable less than 100 years ago, and one we take for granted today. We are a rich nation, a land where we're able to take things like this for granted. But we shouldn't; we ought to celebrate this incredible asset for what it is, a window into a myriad of strange, different, challenging, exotic, inspiring, stimulating, irritating, and yes, aggravating stories beyond the narrow confines of our own. And here's the rest of the story: for every book you see here, there are a thousand thousand more, and more arriving all the time. So go read something!

2010-01-31T07:43:00.000-08:00

From one racist to another, welcome to Black History Month. Not a racist, you say? Baloney, I say. Our first ever black president notwithstanding, we’re all racists, and to deny it would be an insult to the icons of equality, Dr. King, Nelson Mandela, Rosa Parks, Malcolm X, Barbara Jordan, the list goes on and on of people who devoted their lives to, if not ending racism, at least making us aware of its insidious presence in our lives.
    And the ‘R‘ word infects all of us, make no mistake. My wife and I lived in Hawaii for a number of years, and as ‘haoles’, we had the privilege to sense and experience racism, albeit a nominal strain hardly worth mentioning. I say privileged, because the subtle rejections gave us a minor taste of what a lot of ‘different‘ people simply incorporate into their daily lives: We were ignored at lunch counters and retail checkouts; local people often snapped at us over the smallest matter; we were steered in quietly nuanced ways on a choice of where and where not to find housing; and yes, I did once get pulled over by a Hawaiian policeman for no apparent reason. Quote: “You know what you did was illegal sir.” It was a statement, not a question. ‘Driving while haole’, I guess. The fellow wouldn’t tell me why he’d stopped me, and let me go with a ‘warning’.
    And racism is itself color blind, and pervasive. The Reverend Jesse Jackson was walking home one night in Chicago, when he heard footsteps fall in behind him. Alone, several blocks from home, he walked on, his heart racing, beginning to sweat, as the person gained on him. He finally gathered the courage to turn and face his stalker, and the result was chilling. Reverend Jackson said later, “Imagine my humiliation when I saw it was a white man, and I was relieved!” Quite a statement about our culture’s collective assumptions that are hopefully fading away.
        Here’s a list of questions: Have you ever needed a blood transfusion, or donated blood or plasma for a relative? Every college student has given plasma for book or beer money, of course, so the answer is yes. Have you ever stopped at a traffic signal? Flipped on an incandescent light? Seen an energetic person traipsing door to door selling beauty products? Ever crunched into a crispy potato chip? Opened a refrigerator? Heard the furnace click on in the dead of a winter night? Have you ever taken any of those inventions and devices for granted? We all do, and that’s too bad, because they all have something in common. All were invented, or perfected by African Americans. Each in their own way enriched the American experience, while chipping away at the racism that kept them second class citizens for much of their lives.
    Perhaps what we need, in addition to a black history month, is a ‘different‘ history month. Our approach to eradicating racism in America hasn’t worked, and that’s because we’re intent on creating the ‘race blind‘ society that we all secretly know will never be. Perhaps a different history month might help, by forcing us to look at the diversity in front of us, learning to celebrate it, and bringing us the understanding that those differences are what make Americans unique in all of history.
    Black history month is an opportunity to begin celebrating that singularity.

Whole new world

2010-01-30T19:08:00.000-08:00

The Planets

Nothing to report today, or to blog about, just a very cool picture, and the idea of a whole new world when we launch ourselves into the unknown. We never know just what realms we'll explore when we decide to throw caution to the wind, and step off our cozy little place. Remember, life begins where you're CZ ends.

OSU Lantern Piece

2010-01-25T15:07:00.000-08:00

OSU Lantern

1-25-10

As this is written, the California Supreme Court is once again hearing both sides of the contentious and controversial issue of so-called same-sex marriage. Regardless of which way the court rules in California, this issue is not going away, and should not, as marriage equality is the civil rights issue of our time. Better than most issues, civil marriage equality contains the definitions and determinants of who we are as Americans.
    So who are we? We Americans are not the hyperbolic Tea-Party set, those foaming at the mouth downshouters screaming about whatever right-wing, anti-government diatribe will fit on a bumper sticker. Nor are we the radical left, just short of Marxist types, who would prefer a proliferation of communes (with hot tubs), a Prius in every driveway, and a Whole Foods on every block. We’re by and large a center-right country, a nation of hard-working, law-abiding, tax-paying citizens who, rightly, tend to sniff out obvious unfairnesses, and decide, on our own, that they’re, well, unfair. Which is why, once the dust settles, civil marriage equality will be a given, a normal, fair, conservative feature of society.
    Why conservative? It would seem that allowing gays & lesbians to marry each other would be a radical, socially polarizing, ‘Big-L’ Liberal, slippery-slope issue right up there with Medicare, or national hug-a-tree day. But let’s dissect this carefully. What do conservatives claim? Their values rest on personal responsibility, self-sufficiency, social order, stability, the rule of law, fiscal responsibility and an adherence to cherished traditions. Few would argue that marriage is the most conservative institution ever, a status that enshrines all the above stated values and more. Marriage demands responsibility, stability, order, and a level of fidelity to another, both sexual and otherwise. Marriage brands us as adults. Marriage is indeed the cornerstone of community.
    So here we have a group of people, our LGBT brethren, who are desperate to commit to another, to proclaim their fidelity, to establish a stable, solid, safe environment with them. They want to create a home together, work, pay taxes, be good consumers, create a safe, nurturing place for their kids, educate them, and teach them to be solid citizens. They want to help make stronger, more vibrant communities. They want to do all the things the rest of us take for granted every day. In short, they want to marry. Instead of denying them this right, it is in societies interest to encourage them in this endeavor. Indeed, for those who wish to partake of societies available rights, protections and privileges as a couple, and there are many of them, we ought to insist on marriage as the mechanism. Should LGBT people, or anyone else, be required to marry to obtain equality? Of course not. But equal access to marriage must be an option for those who desire it.
    Viewed objectively, without all the hype and stridency from either right or left, civil marriage equality is a very conservative issue. It will happen, is happening, wherever reasonable people are able to see the issue for what it is, and to welcome it as a new way to demonstrate the depth and durability of the conservative values we all share as Americans.

Gramps

2010-01-23T12:21:00.000-08:00

Gramps & Henry P

Zilker Park Austin January 21 2010

Okay, maybe this post doesn't seem to fit on the ME blog. But it is the reason I've not posted in some time. I've been away, in Texas, making Henry's acquaintance. That's Henry you see above, my first grandchild, age two days, on his first outing with mom & gramps. The kid is great, I tell ya'. I think he likes me already, at least from what I can tell. For instance, he hasn't bit me yet, or done any of those nasty things kids love to do to old people. Actually, we have a lot in common: we sleep a lot, we tend to grouse at the slightest provocation, we prefer soft food, rely on other people to check for wardrobe malfunctions and we have to pee about every five minutes. One big difference, the kid has more hair than me. The educational part of all this is simple to see. Henry will teach something to everyone he contacts, and I'm prepared to take a lesson or two from him in whatever topic comes along.

One thing that occurred to me as I held young Henry, and saw his mom and dad interact with him, was just how achingly sweet the moments were. Those two really love that child, and I can see already just how lucky the little guy is to have such engaging, caring, concerned parents. Then another thought: How sad that we as a society strive to deny the same kind of sweet, loving interaction to our LGBT brethren, or anyone else. There's something wrong with a group of people who collectively work toward restriction of the tenderness and proto-human exchage I witnessed between that child and his parents. If two people desire that, the most cherished and compassionate event possible between humans, how can it be anything but right, and true, and virtuous? This is real life. We ought to be encouraging this, not denying it to anyone.

Love is Love

2010-01-18T10:28:00.000-08:00

If the aged, the sterile, the a-religious can marry,
marriage is for everyone.

Byron Edgington

Some Great Web Resources

2010-01-16T17:49:00.000-08:00

We enjoyed these websites for couples with wedding bells in your future. Enjoy:

So You're EnGAYged

Dana Saylor Designs

Coupled

2010-01-06T16:53:00.000-08:00

Coupled.

Isn't it wonderful? There's just something about being in a coupled, committed, joined situation that we can't seem to do without it. The desire to be with someone is so strong that we define our lives by the person we're in a relationship with. It's not restricted to humans, either; every entity, sentient or not, big, little, wild, tame, exotic, domestic, tart or tasty, everything yearns to be coupled. Isn't it sad, then, that some of those who feel, as we do, that being involved with someone is one of life's great pleasures, would go out of their way to deny that same powerful feeling to those who love someone of their own gender? Look at the pictures above. Do they look like they're coupled? Yes, they certainly do. Do they appear to be happy? Content? Fulfilled? Yes, they do. Can you tell the gender of any of these figures? No, you cannot. Love has no gender, no way to differentiate gender, and it doesn't matter.

And neither should we.

Happy New Year

2010-01-01T10:27:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year

January 2010. A new year, new start, and another chance to make whatever dream we have come true. Yes, we are a couple of dreamers, so here's what we'd love to see happen in twenty-ten:

Not only health care insurance coverage for all, but a new understanding of what leads to good health, so we don't need the coverage so much.

A world that values peace over confrontation. A long shot? We said we're dreamers, remember. Unless we dream it, it won't happen.

A new commitment to addressing climate change, so our great grandkids don't need to sacrifice their own dreams because we failed to act.

Human rights for all, including those who wish to marry the person they love, regardless of gender.

By the way, here's what we mean when we say we're dreamers. Looking at 2010 yesterday, it ocurred to us that those aren't just numbers. 20-10 also represents the mark of better than average vision. If you have twenty-ten vision, you see at 20 feet what a normal person sees at 10 feet! So, let's make this a year to look beyond the normal, and envision wonderful, exciting, or at least better than average dreams and desires for everyone.

One last thing we wish for 2010. That the brand new grandson is healthy, happy, bubbly, and filled with wonderful promise, as we know he will be. Welcome, little one. May all your dreams come true!

The God Gene

2009-12-28T05:23:00.000-08:00

Why do we humans migrate to a religious explanation of things? What is it about the God concept that has drawn us inexorably along, through all human history? Why are we compelled to ascribe to a God the powers that inform and define our daily lives? Do we really have a God gene? This question can't begin to be explored, much less explained in a simple blog. Thousands upon thousands of books, pamphlets, magazines, speeches, theses and documents are devoted to this too human of questions. Whole libraries are constructed around this single proposition.

But here's one thing that appears true and ageless: We do believe in a power more lofty than our own, an entity that seems to order us in some timeless fashion as our lives unfold, and such things as wisdom and grace are revealed. So here's the real question. If religion is, at it's been speculated to be, a response in human nature designed to protect and benefit the species by raising the value of collective altruistic behavior, then what of those who use religion to separate and divide us? Specifically, why do certain so-called religious individuals seem intent on damaging the thin veneer of human social bonding by demanding the exclusion of certain members? Is this not contrary to the fundamental impulse to gather together that our religious DNA demands? Further, what of those ordained by us to promote and defend the genetic trait of religion found in all of us? What are we to believe when those whom we label 'ministers', individuals sanctioned to ad-minister the genetic guidance our religions provide endorse such exclusionary behaviors? Are they not acting against their own stated sacred oaths and responsibilities? If religion is imprinted in the human soul and mind as a refuge against earthly vicissitudes, are we not obligated to widen our vision, and accept as many of our brethren as possible, in order to strengthen the barrier holding back certain chaos? And for those charlatans who claim that God, any god, hates His own creation, what are we to make of them?

The Key

2009-12-26T05:43:00.000-08:00

Medical technology has come a long way in a very short time. In my lifetime, the science of cardiac care has progressed to the point that now, every day, surgeons routinely probe inside the beating heart, manipulate vital nerve connections, burn away unneeded tissue to make hearts more efficient, and even stop hearts in their pumping long enough to repair damage. There seems to be no mystery any longer with or about the human heart.

Except one. What makes it so inexplicably difficult to understand why our hearts are drawn to those we fall in love with? After all the years of study, the time in laboratories and classrooms, in operating rooms and using advanced procedures, why can we not assign even the simplest explanation to why we fall in love? Here's a key to the dilemma, and an insight that really does explain, from a layman's view, the inner working of the human heart: Hearts have no color, no creed, no race, ethnicity, gender orientation or nationality. The human heart is, with few exceptions, about the size of our fist, weighs two pounds, pumps about 2,000 gallons of blood every day, and continues in this fashion for well over 70 years, on average. In that time the heart beats an astounding 2.5 billion times! Yes, billion.

So why does it beat faster when that certain person enters the room, or smiles at us, or falls into our arms? We don't know. Science is working on it. One thing we do know: There's no restriction on who we fall in love with. And something else--as Carson McCullers said, the heart is indeed a lonely hunter, so the answer to one question is immediately clear. We fall in love with the person we fall in love with. No one else can assign, determine, restrict or predict who that person might or ought to be for us. When someone comes along with the key to our heart, we know it. And something else even scientists and doctors know. It's not important who we love; it's important THAT we love.

Marriage Clarifies Comittment

2009-12-25T11:59:00.000-08:00

Happy Couples...

...are able to magically ignore the laws of physics, and enjoy a world where each party can and does win. Love knows no boundaries.

Oppo-Tunity

2009-12-08T12:05:00.000-08:00

We've been here before, and we will be again. Once in a while an oppo-tunity presents itself, a chance to step back, take a deep breath, and look at where we are and where we're going. Here's our proposal: Is it really necessary for us to react so quickly and so emotionally to whatever is shown on nightly news or headlined on Fox, CNN, Huff Post or other media outlet? No, it isn't. Yes, the news cycle these days can be measured with an egg timer, but that doesn't demand that we react accordingly.

Here's the oppo-tunity, and in a bit we'll explain why we spell it that way. We think this holiday season we should all make an effort to default to kind, to ignore obviously inflammatory pronouncements, and to use the 48 hour rule as much as possible, which means waiting to react and make durable decisions. So, why the odd spelling? Someone gave us a wise saying once--"Emotion high; Intelligence low." And it's true. Any time we react emotionally and lash out, our decision is automatically diminished. If we look at oppo-tunity, we see the misspelling. But if we take a moment, we see instead the opportunity we might have missed.

Equality Through Music

2009-12-01T17:07:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow, December 2nd 2009, we offer a house concert, with featured artist Tom Goss. Tom is on his second national tour, performing in front of intimate audiences in a new venue idea, people's homes. Like troubadours of old, Tom packs his guitar, his enthusiasm and his music and hits the road. If you always wanted to host an artist, and possibly help launch the next Tracey Chapman, Susan Boyle or Lady Gaga, here's your chance.

Gratitude

2009-11-27T06:39:00.000-08:00

It's that time of year, when we gather together with friends and family, everyone encouraged to discern what we're grateful for. This is a curious thing when you think about it; it's an exercise we really ought to do every time the sun comes up, and not limit our expressions of gratitude to one day a year. It's even possible to think about this from the standpoint of irony: We Americans have so much, and enjoy so much, and are exposed to so much opportunity, that we may be the first community in history to be too rich to understand poverty and its ramifications. Indeed, one reason the current economic malaise has us so filled with anxiety is that we have lost any contact we may once have had with our ability to relate to the lack of things. We're afraid of what may appear under the layers of materialistic excess.

So here's my humble attempt to peer under the layers of my own comfort and ease, to discern a few things I'm grateful for today and every day:

Just for being able to do what I'm doing, to watch these words appear on a screen, and know, even if no one reads them--which is likely the case--that I have the physical ability, the technical understanding and apparatus, and the leisure time to engage in such activity, which would have seemed terribly self-indulgent a generation ago. Not to mention the fact that I'm able to do this without fear of censure or oversight from authoritarian intrusion. We forget what an astonishing reality that is--a luxury to most of the world's population, to speak our minds freely without fear.

I'm grateful for my spouse and her unending, and utterly complete support of who I am and what I believe. She is a marvelous example of what a blessing and an energizing force a wholly committed marriage can be and is. This realization, perhaps more than any other, drives our commitment not only to each other, but to the promotion of equality in marriage for everyone, regardless of labels society seems driven to impose. It's this rich, fulfilling commitment we share that gives us the understanding that until our LGBT brothers and sisters have the right to marriage, the institution itself lacks its whole, enriching dimension in society.

I'm grateful for the charity and generosity of everyday people, those who recognize opportunities every day to make others' lives easier, and act on that impulse. As much depredation, evil and asocial behavior as we see and read about, the overwhelming majority of people we encounter are good, compassionate, considerate folks who respond in deference to the better angels of our nature. We are good people; we have an inherent disdain for the negative; we will endure.

House Concert

2009-11-19T13:37:00.000-08:00

We've all read about the troubadours of old, how they roamed the countryside with their instruments, music and little else, hoping some patron would allow them to spend the evening in the castle entertaining guests? Well, those folks are at it again, and we have the privilege of hosting one of the more promising young troubadours on the road today. Tom Goss is our featured singer/songwriter on the evening of December 2nd, right here at our castle in Gahanna. Tom Goss has had a #1 hit on LOGO for several weeks, a little tune titled 'Till The End'. Tom's guitar and heartfelt tunes are a delight to hear, and we're looking forward to seeing him again. Save the date--Wednesday Dec. 2nd--1180 Venetian Way Gahanna Ohio--RSVP byron@caffection.com

Join us. See the attached flier, and make it a date! www.tomgossmusic.com

Palmer Park

2009-11-13T10:28:00.000-08:00

One feature of my blog will be to offer reviews from time to time of current live and/or other dramatic performances that may be relevant. Today's example is a play Mariah & I saw last evening. Palmer Park is a play by Canadian playwright Joanna Glass about the Palmer Park neighborhood of Detroit in the immediate aftermath of the 1967 race riots there. The play elucidates the struggle by white and black neighbors to maintain the racial and social harmony they've fought to achieve in their back yard, at the nexus of racial integration and tension in the '60s. In its numerous revelatory passages between both races, Palmer Park reflects white and black ambivalence about a great social experiment that, sadly, seems to have failed, at least in Detroit. And possibly elsewhere in America. As the play brings out, we're a more segregated country now than when Dr. Martin Luther King jr. gave his "I have a dream" speech.
Palmer Park is a play well worth seeing, regardless of race, social standing or class identification.

In a side note, and in immediate relevance to the racial divisiveness that a social issue can provide, let me comment on the latest from DC. Threatening to cut off social services to poor people if the city council goes forward with same-sex marriage rights, the Church shows an appalling lack of courage to the very social issue it claims to favor. The Church has an obligation when accepting public funds to provide services that have at least the intention of longevity. Those in need of food and shelter deserve the comfort, especially with winter approaching, of being able to depend on the warmth and sustenance those services offer. To inject the irrational element of homophobia into the equation is not only shocking, it is a sin, something the Church seems to have forgotten the meaning of. It's time to separate church and state at all levels. This is another excellent reason to do that.

2009-11-11T16:34:00.001-08:00

The Feeling

2009-11-11T04:37:00.000-08:00

For those of us fortunate enough to wake beside the person we love above all others, the feeling is beyond what any words may lend themselves to. The language just doesn't have the power, the letters, the encompassing meaning inherent in it to convey the feeling.
It has very little to do with tactile sense; little to do with physical warmth or comfort, though there is certainly that; it has almost nothing to do with sex or sexual urges. If I can pretend to approach it, I'd equate it more with a new birth each and every day. That may sound a bit over the top, but if you are rich enough to open your eyes every day beside the one person in the universe who loves you above all others, always assumes the best for you, and holds for you what the experts label 'unconditional positive regard', then here's what it feels like:
There are no words required. Period.

2009-11-10T16:10:00.001-08:00

Make a Smilebox invite

Brand new blog

2009-11-10T15:55:00.000-08:00

It's not every day that someone gives you a blog for a gift. My sweet wife gifted me today with the keys to a blog of my very own! She's so nice! From this point it's entirely up to me to post to it, keep the content fresh, share whatever comes in with everyone else, and make an effort to Google-ize it--that is, to let it loose and allow it to become whatever it will be. With that in mind, here are the very simple, very straightforward, and very few guidelines I intend to observe with my shiny new blog:
1 Do no harm. Sound familiar? Good. I'll keep it clean, wholesome, and positive. No crybabies need apply.
2 This is and will always be a marriage equality blog. Everyone deserves the right to marry the person they love. Everyone.
3 Every day will be a new day. The only imperative is gratitude.

Thanks for reading; stay tuned.

In Sickness and In Health

2009-11-10T10:36:00.001-08:00

Married people are healthier. Happily married couples live longer. We cost the health care system less than single people, use fewer health care resources, enjoy life more, experience fewer health disruptions, call in sick at work less often, have better sex (and more of it) and generally act as an example the current healthcare debate ignores, but shouldn't.

Marriage itself is a healthful act: It shows society that we're serious about our commitments; it forces men (and women to some extent), to settle down, and stop deliberately unwholesome behaviors; marriage sets a good example to younger people; it strengthens communities in a myriad of ways, and overall, beneficial ones. Marriage is healthy. Promoting strong, solid marriage ought to be a part of the debate raging at present about health care, and the peripheral issues surrounding it. Not only because, as mentioned, marriage can be, and often is, a healthier status in life than remaining single.

But in cases where marriage is the healthier option, there's something missing from the debate: There's no mention of personal responsibility for health. In many of the so-called town-hall debates seen in various media outlets, featured speakers in audiences of every stripe were typical Americans. Sadly, many of those people appeared to be overweight, out of shape, and clearly uninterested in their own health care. Indeed, if the typical American attending those debates were followed, many if not most would have recently arrived there after a multi-calorie, carbohydrate-laden meal that was essentially unhealthy for them. Many would be smokers. Many would demand that, whatever health care program evolved from the current endeavor to alter a broken system would be available to fix whatever physical depredations happened to them due to their own mismanagement of their health.

Here are ways that married couples can, and should, act together, in responsible fashion, to maintain, or to regain their own trend toward a healthful, less resource-taxing lifestyle.

Parenting & Homosexuality

2009-11-09T16:53:00.000-08:00

"Mom, dad, I need to talk to you." Many parents have heard these words from their son or daughter. Just the tone the child uses, the timbre of their voice, the hesitation, sends your parental red flags flying. Perhaps your son or daughter asks you to sit quietly, asking you not to interrupt, or in some other way pleads with you for prior restraint. It may be something you've long suspected, or it may come like a bolt out of the blue. In any case, when a child comes out to a parent, announces that he or she is gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender the discussion is almost always filled with tension, fraught with potential for anger, and can be a veritable minefield of emotion.

It doesn't have to be. Here are a few tips for handling this encounter, ways to emerge from the announcement even stronger and closer to your child then ever before.

1 Recognize that the child has likely agonized over the need to tell you, perhaps for years. Despite current emerging evidence, and increasing acceptance of homosexuality as a status of birth, and not a disease or condition, there's still hesitation to discuss it openly in this society. But the hard truth is, that scientific evidence supports the belief that homosexuality is a naturally occurring status, much like left-handedness, green eyes, or other attributes we're born with. As difficult as it may be for some parents to adjust to the fact that their child is homosexual, remember, they're still your child. This is not a bad thing, or a defect. It's who they are. They need for you to listen and hear them out.

2 Your reaction to the announcement is critically important to your son or daughter. This is no time to judge, berate or diminish their feelings. Keep this in mind: It's not about you. Not to belabor the point, but you need to treat this as the serious occasion it is; children have been known to injure or even kill themselves because a parent or guardian dismissed their attempt to share this part of who they are.

3 If you feel a temptation to judge, or belittle their news in any way, turn that emotion around by putting yourself on their side. Imagine the relief they'll feel when, instead of acting disappointed or judgmental, you simply hug them, tell them you love them, and ask what you can do for them. Thank your child for sharing their news with you, and tell them you're proud of them. After all, this is nothing to be ashamed of; it's simply a truth that applies to them, another aspect of who they are. Further, try to avoid the attitude of tolerance. This may sound contradictory; it's not. Tolerance indicates a vague sense of arrogant dismissal. To 'tolerate' someone, is to 'allow' them to be who they are, as if our allowance was sought, or needed. The attitude we should strive for is acceptance.

4 If they're of any age to discuss this topic with you, treat them like an adult. Don't ask if they're sure, or if they've given it some thought, or if they'll reconsider. They've likely thought about telling you for a long time, but didn't know how, or when. Don't condescend. Homosexuality isn't a choice, a preference, or a 'lifestyle'. It describes a sexual orientation, nothing more. It isn't indicative of some deviant trait, vulnerability to disease, preoccupation with sex, or predilection toward some antisocial behavior. It's much like heterosexuality; it's who you, the parents, are, most likely.

5 Speaking of which, whatever you do if your child comes out to you, don't react in such a negative way that says it's your, or anyone else's 'fault'. It's no one's fault, any more than your gender orientation is someone's 'fault'. There's nothing broken here; this is part of being human, and instead of being mourned or regretted, it should be celebrated for the evidence of diversity that it is. Think of it this way: By coming out to you, your child has told you that they're among the most generous and most genuine of people; they've told you that they're capable of love, the most beautiful of all human traits. Congratulate yourselves; you've raised them well.

And perhaps that's the best lesson to take away from the event. When your child comes out to you, announces that they're homosexual, take it for the message it contains: You've taught them well; you've taught them to love. And in the final analysis, it's not important who we love; it's important 'that' we love. Acceptance of this truth makes all the rest part of a larger, universal truth. In the end, what we are is human. The rest is decoration.

Congratulations Iowa

2009-08-16T12:59:00.000-07:00

CAFFECTION.com

We're excited to be celebrating Marriage for Everyone on Caffection Married to my Best Friend! As former Iowans, we proudly jumped in and created a musical photo album as a tribute to Heartland Marriage Celebration.

Marriage facts

2009-08-04T10:39:00.000-07:00

Caffection Marriage Equality

Paula & Melissa United By Love

Marriage Counter Action

Freedom to Marry Day

Traditional Marriage

Voting Rights Denied

L.O.V.E.

Scholarship Fund

Passionate Enduring Love

got caffection?: To Have and To Hold

Prop 8 Unconstitutional

Mosque at Ground Zero

Sixty-Two

Class Essay

DADT (again!)

Independence Day 2010

ME essay #1 The Essence of Marriage

The other shoe

Fly Away

Coming Soon--A New Kind of Travel Document

Winter Fades

Religion and Same-Sex Relationships

Marriage Equality

Spring 2010

119

Favorite Poem

Spring?

Winter's Pace

Winter Walk

books, books, books

Whole new world

OSU Lantern Piece

Gramps

Love is Love

Some Great Web Resources

Coupled

Happy New Year

The God Gene

The Key

Marriage Clarifies Comittment

Oppo-Tunity

Equality Through Music

Gratitude

House Concert

Palmer Park

The Feeling

Brand new blog

In Sickness and In Health

Parenting & Homosexuality

Congratulations Iowa

Marriage facts

Tying the Knot

20 more questions

20 Questions cont.

20 Questions cont. Our fear of the...

20 Questions cont.

20 Questions cont.

20 Questions cont.

20 Questions cont.

20 Questions cont.

20 Questions cont.

20 Questions cont.

20 Questions cont.

20 Questions cont.

20 Questions cont.

20 Questions cont.

20 Questions

20 Questions

Progress

Congratulations New Hampshire

Wallet Issues

Judicial Activism

Memorial Day

Don't ask--don't lie

Don't read this...

New Title

Maine

Congratulations Maine!

Why?

Discrimination