Gratitude

It's that time of year, when we gather together with friends and family, everyone encouraged to discern what we're grateful for.  This is a curious thing when you think about it; it's an exercise we really ought to do every time the sun comes up, and not limit our expressions of gratitude to one day a year.  It's even possible to think about this from the standpoint of irony: We Americans have so much, and enjoy so much, and are exposed to so much opportunity, that we may be the first community in history to be too rich to understand poverty and its ramifications.  Indeed, one reason the current economic malaise has us so filled with anxiety is that we have lost any contact we may once have had with our ability to relate to the lack of things.  We're afraid of what may appear under the layers of materialistic excess.

 

So here's my humble attempt to peer under the layers of my own comfort and ease, to discern a few things I'm grateful for today and every day:

Just for being able to do what I'm doing, to watch these words appear on a screen, and know, even if no one reads them--which is likely the case--that I have the physical ability, the technical understanding and apparatus, and the leisure time to engage in such activity, which would have seemed terribly self-indulgent a generation ago.  Not to mention the fact that I'm able to do this without fear of censure or oversight from authoritarian intrusion.  We forget what an astonishing reality that is--a luxury to most of the world's population, to speak our minds freely without fear.

I'm grateful for my spouse and her unending, and utterly complete support of who I am and what I believe.  She is a marvelous example of what a blessing and an energizing force a wholly committed marriage can be and is.  This realization, perhaps more than any other, drives our commitment not only to each other, but to the promotion of equality in marriage for everyone, regardless of labels society seems driven to impose.  It's this rich, fulfilling commitment we share that gives us the understanding that until our LGBT brothers and sisters have the right to marriage, the institution itself lacks its whole, enriching dimension in society.  

I'm grateful for the charity and generosity of everyday people, those who recognize opportunities every day to make others' lives easier, and act on that impulse.  As much depredation, evil and asocial behavior as we see and read about, the overwhelming majority of people we encounter are good, compassionate, considerate folks who respond in deference to the better angels of our nature.  We are good people; we have an inherent disdain for the negative; we will endure.    

  

House Concert

We've all read about the troubadours of old, how they roamed the countryside with their instruments, music and little else, hoping some patron would allow them to spend the evening in the castle entertaining guests? Well, those folks are at it again, and we have the privilege of hosting one of the more promising young troubadours on the road today. Tom Goss is our featured singer/songwriter on the evening of December 2nd, right here at our castle in Gahanna. Tom Goss has had a #1 hit on LOGO for several weeks, a little tune titled 'Till The End'. Tom's guitar and heartfelt tunes are a delight to hear, and we're looking forward to seeing him again.  Save the date--Wednesday Dec. 2nd--1180 Venetian Way Gahanna Ohio--RSVP byron@caffection.com

Join us. See the attached flier, and make it a date!   www.tomgossmusic.com

Palmer Park

One feature of my blog will be to offer reviews from time to time of current live and/or other dramatic performances that may be relevant. Today's example is a play Mariah & I saw last evening. Palmer Park is a play by Canadian playwright Joanna Glass about the Palmer Park neighborhood of Detroit in the immediate aftermath of the 1967 race riots there. The play elucidates the struggle by white and black neighbors to maintain the racial and social harmony they've fought to achieve in their back yard, at the nexus of racial integration and tension in the '60s. In its numerous revelatory passages between both races, Palmer Park reflects white and black ambivalence about a great social experiment that, sadly, seems to have failed, at least in Detroit. And possibly elsewhere in America. As the play brings out, we're a more segregated country now than when Dr. Martin Luther King jr. gave his "I have a dream" speech.
Palmer Park is a play well worth seeing, regardless of race, social standing or class identification.

In a side note, and in immediate relevance to the racial divisiveness that a social issue can provide, let me comment on the latest from DC. Threatening to cut off social services to poor people if the city council goes forward with same-sex marriage rights, the Church shows an appalling lack of courage to the very social issue it claims to favor. The Church has an obligation when accepting public funds to provide services that have at least the intention of longevity. Those in need of food and shelter deserve the comfort, especially with winter approaching, of being able to depend on the warmth and sustenance those services offer. To inject the irrational element of homophobia into the equation is not only shocking, it is a sin, something the Church seems to have forgotten the meaning of. It's time to separate church and state at all levels. This is another excellent reason to do that.

The Feeling

For those of us fortunate enough to wake beside the person we love above all others, the feeling is beyond what any words may lend themselves to. The language just doesn't have the power, the letters, the encompassing meaning inherent in it to convey the feeling.
It has very little to do with tactile sense; little to do with physical warmth or comfort, though there is certainly that; it has almost nothing to do with sex or sexual urges. If I can pretend to approach it, I'd equate it more with a new birth each and every day. That may sound a bit over the top, but if you are rich enough to open your eyes every day beside the one person in the universe who loves you above all others, always assumes the best for you, and holds for you what the experts label 'unconditional positive regard', then here's what it feels like:
There are no words required. Period.

Make a Smilebox invite

Brand new blog

It's not every day that someone gives you a blog for a gift. My sweet wife gifted me today with the keys to a blog of my very own! She's so nice! From this point it's entirely up to me to post to it, keep the content fresh, share whatever comes in with everyone else, and make an effort to Google-ize it--that is, to let it loose and allow it to become whatever it will be. With that in mind, here are the very simple, very straightforward, and very few guidelines I intend to observe with my shiny new blog:
1 Do no harm. Sound familiar? Good. I'll keep it clean, wholesome, and positive. No crybabies need apply.
2 This is and will always be a marriage equality blog. Everyone deserves the right to marry the person they love. Everyone.
3 Every day will be a new day. The only imperative is gratitude.

Thanks for reading; stay tuned.

In Sickness and In Health

Married people are healthier. Happily married couples live longer. We cost the health care system less than single people, use fewer health care resources, enjoy life more, experience fewer health disruptions, call in sick at work less often, have better sex (and more of it) and generally act as an example the current healthcare debate ignores, but shouldn't.

Marriage itself is a healthful act: It shows society that we're serious about our commitments; it forces men (and women to some extent), to settle down, and stop deliberately unwholesome behaviors; marriage sets a good example to younger people; it strengthens communities in a myriad of ways, and overall, beneficial ones. Marriage is healthy. Promoting strong, solid marriage ought to be a part of the debate raging at present about health care, and the peripheral issues surrounding it. Not only because, as mentioned, marriage can be, and often is, a healthier status in life than remaining single.

But in cases where marriage is the healthier option, there's something missing from the debate: There's no mention of personal responsibility for health. In many of the so-called town-hall debates seen in various media outlets, featured speakers in audiences of every stripe were typical Americans. Sadly, many of those people appeared to be overweight, out of shape, and clearly uninterested in their own health care. Indeed, if the typical American attending those debates were followed, many if not most would have recently arrived there after a multi-calorie, carbohydrate-laden meal that was essentially unhealthy for them. Many would be smokers. Many would demand that, whatever health care program evolved from the current endeavor to alter a broken system would be available to fix whatever physical depredations happened to them due to their own mismanagement of their health.

Here are ways that married couples can, and should, act together, in responsible fashion, to maintain, or to regain their own trend toward a healthful, less resource-taxing lifestyle.

Parenting & Homosexuality

"Mom, dad, I need to talk to you." Many parents have heard these words from their son or daughter. Just the tone the child uses, the timbre of their voice, the hesitation, sends your parental red flags flying. Perhaps your son or daughter asks you to sit quietly, asking you not to interrupt, or in some other way pleads with you for prior restraint. It may be something you've long suspected, or it may come like a bolt out of the blue. In any case, when a child comes out to a parent, announces that he or she is gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender the discussion is almost always filled with tension, fraught with potential for anger, and can be a veritable minefield of emotion.

It doesn't have to be. Here are a few tips for handling this encounter, ways to emerge from the announcement even stronger and closer to your child then ever before.

1 Recognize that the child has likely agonized over the need to tell you, perhaps for years. Despite current emerging evidence, and increasing acceptance of homosexuality as a status of birth, and not a disease or condition, there's still hesitation to discuss it openly in this society. But the hard truth is, that scientific evidence supports the belief that homosexuality is a naturally occurring status, much like left-handedness, green eyes, or other attributes we're born with. As difficult as it may be for some parents to adjust to the fact that their child is homosexual, remember, they're still your child. This is not a bad thing, or a defect. It's who they are. They need for you to listen and hear them out.

2 Your reaction to the announcement is critically important to your son or daughter. This is no time to judge, berate or diminish their feelings. Keep this in mind: It's not about you. Not to belabor the point, but you need to treat this as the serious occasion it is; children have been known to injure or even kill themselves because a parent or guardian dismissed their attempt to share this part of who they are.

3 If you feel a temptation to judge, or belittle their news in any way, turn that emotion around by putting yourself on their side. Imagine the relief they'll feel when, instead of acting disappointed or judgmental, you simply hug them, tell them you love them, and ask what you can do for them. Thank your child for sharing their news with you, and tell them you're proud of them. After all, this is nothing to be ashamed of; it's simply a truth that applies to them, another aspect of who they are. Further, try to avoid the attitude of tolerance. This may sound contradictory; it's not. Tolerance indicates a vague sense of arrogant dismissal. To 'tolerate' someone, is to 'allow' them to be who they are, as if our allowance was sought, or needed. The attitude we should strive for is acceptance.

4 If they're of any age to discuss this topic with you, treat them like an adult. Don't ask if they're sure, or if they've given it some thought, or if they'll reconsider. They've likely thought about telling you for a long time, but didn't know how, or when. Don't condescend. Homosexuality isn't a choice, a preference, or a 'lifestyle'. It describes a sexual orientation, nothing more. It isn't indicative of some deviant trait, vulnerability to disease, preoccupation with sex, or predilection toward some antisocial behavior. It's much like heterosexuality; it's who you, the parents, are, most likely.

5 Speaking of which, whatever you do if your child comes out to you, don't react in such a negative way that says it's your, or anyone else's 'fault'. It's no one's fault, any more than your gender orientation is someone's 'fault'. There's nothing broken here; this is part of being human, and instead of being mourned or regretted, it should be celebrated for the evidence of diversity that it is. Think of it this way: By coming out to you, your child has told you that they're among the most generous and most genuine of people; they've told you that they're capable of love, the most beautiful of all human traits. Congratulate yourselves; you've raised them well.

And perhaps that's the best lesson to take away from the event. When your child comes out to you, announces that they're homosexual, take it for the message it contains: You've taught them well; you've taught them to love. And in the final analysis, it's not important who we love; it's important 'that' we love. Acceptance of this truth makes all the rest part of a larger, universal truth. In the end, what we are is human. The rest is decoration.